Lola's World

Loving two people

2005-09-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine had a terrible dilemma a while ago. He loved his wife of ten years, was head-over-heels in love with his mistress of one and a half years and could not decide what he wanted to do with his life. In the meantime, he got off with yet another woman a couple of times and made things even more complicated for himself. FInally his mistress split up with him, telling him that she wanted him for herself and could not stand the situation as it was. This sent him over the edge. However, he could still not decide as to whether he wanted to leave his wife and be with his mistress not. The problem was that he loved both women only in different ways. On some ways he wanted both, and yet he did not. His days went by in quiet despair as he shifted between ideas of leaving his wife for his mistress and staying with his wife and having some kids with her. Days were hard and nights were agony, as he strived to make his decision. I don't know what happened or much else about the situation, but a story like this does make you wonder. Did this man love both women or was the wife the security and homeliness in his life, while the mistress was the excitement, the wanton sex and adrenalin push of romantic / sexual love?
In such a circumstance does one feel sorry for the wife or the mistress, or does one wonder what on earth she was doing after a married man? Best not to be judgemental with these things...

When a man (or woman for that matter) has an affair, it is usually because something is lacking within the marriage. Many times this is to do with sex. People seek the excitement of the new person, new ways, new body, new life, the secrecy even of the whole situation, acting as a potent aphrodisiac for the 'illicit' pair. It is no wonder then that once the marriage disolves these relationships very quickly loose their appeal; the person is no longer as exciting, the sex is not mind-blowing and life becomes dull again...

Couple problems

2005-09-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

Why is being a couple troublesome after a few years? What happens to people? It's strange that two people can love each other yet after having lived together for a certain length of time they start to dislike things about one another, get iritated with simple things and have rows. Does familiarity really breed contempt as they say? Is this the case? And if so, why should this be the path that every relationship must eventually go down?

Maybe I am wrong. Maybe there are some happy, smiling, always loving couples out there; people who always gaze lovingly into each other's eyes even afer years of cohabitation, people who never resent things about each other and hardly ever row. If there are any of you out there, please stand up and make yourseles known to me. The truth is I don't really believe these blissfully happy couples exist. Oh sure, at the start, when they are first together yes, but after that, when the magic wears off and the dull, mundane reality of everyday life kicks in and worms itself into the fabric of the relationship, then things change. The question I would ask at this point is this: Is this change unavoidable or can it be prevented and if so what measures need to be taken?

Highgate Village

2005-08-28T02:29:00.000-07:00

A place in London I really like. Please see links below.

http://www.martinkleinman.com/highgate.htm

http://www.londontown.com/LondonInformation/Attraction/Upstairs_at_the_Gatehouse/595d/

http://www.london-walks.co.uk/44/london-walks-highgate-dic.shtml

Lovely Sundays

2005-08-28T02:17:00.000-07:00

It is a lovely Sunday today! The sky is blue, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and life is good. But when things are so good don't you just tend to think it's too good to be true and wonder when it's all going to come tumbling down?
I suppose one must live for the present and this is the only way to counteract such feelings. You must detach yourself from the past and not worry about the future. The here and now is what matters and usually is what will shape and create your future. So, we live for now, we love for now and we walk confidently into the uncertainty of our tomorrows...

When 'friends' hurt you

2005-08-26T05:23:00.000-07:00

It is horrible when people who are supposed to be your friends hurt you.

Actually, two things are the worst; One is when the friend actually set out to hurt you on purpose (pre-meditated hurt) and the other is when no-matter what you do for them, how much time you spend on them, they decide to treat you badly - i.e. they are inconsiderate, take alot but give very little, or are just plain rude.

We have all been there haven't we? You do your best for that person, you help them, you listen to their problems, you are there for them when they need you - and how do they chose to express their gratitude and honour your friendship? Well, they say nasty things to you, ignore all you did for them, are never there when YOU need to talk about your problems and quite honestly behave like absolute tw**s!

This is not friendship.

Why recruitment agencies suck

2005-08-23T07:41:00.000-07:00

I really dislike recruitment agencies. The so called "consultants" are usually rude, arrogant and salesey. They are only interested in getting you in to register with them, they then promise you the world and you don't hear from them again, unless they want to flog you some job they can't get anyone else to do and think you will go for it because you are desperate or don't have 5 years plus experience in the particular field you are interested in. They will hardly ever put you forward for permanent work because they make more money out of you if you are just temping via them. They lie to you about the jobs and what they involve, making rubbish jobs sound like they are more high profile than they really are and they even lie about the salary / hourly rate you will get, if they think it will get you to say "Yes, please send my CV to that company!". Their philosophy is: "Get them to agree to it and worry about the details later!"
My experience of recruitment agencies has been a very dissapoiting one. I have been lied to, treated as if I were an idiot, pushed around, patronized, insulted and told off for calling or emailiing them every once in a while to ask if they actually have anything for me! Today I was even told by one of these self-styled "high-flyers" to "not call" her or "email" her please "about jobs that are not relevant" (i.e. I had applied for a job she felt was too senior for me) as this was wasting her time and she was very busy! How rude. She even had the audacity to leave this message on my work voicemail. And she was from one of the biggest agencies...

Please feel free to share any bad experienecs you have had with recruitment agencies, as it would be really 'therapeutic' to hear from fellow 'sufferers'. :-)

When you want to do something but you don't

2005-08-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever really wanted to do something but at the same time you don't want to? It is a strange feeling.
What do you do when you are on a diet, you really want to eat that chocolate bar (which happens to be the only one for miles) but you see on the label that the chocolate contains fried worms and insect legs? The sensible option would be to walk away from it and say "Yuk!". But, what if you want the chocolate so much that you opt to eat it? What then?

Decisions and the Truth

2005-08-20T14:22:00.000-07:00

How can we know we are making the right decision? The answer is we can’t really know beforehand. The truth is we have to follow what we feel is right and only time will show whether our decision was right or not. The only way to live is to do so and not think about it too much. Analysing and contemplating something over and over again will only complicate things further. Sometimes, if not always, our first impression is the right one; our first idea is the one we should go with; our gut feeling is the one we should trust.
And if our decision leads us to an undesired outcome, then at least we can be proud of the fact that we had the courage to make our own decision without being influenced by others or doing what we thought others would like.

There is nothing more liberating in the world than the truth. To be true to ourselves is probably one of the most difficult things. We have to know ourselves truly and deeply in order to be complete human beings. We need to understand that there is no way that others can understand us if we don’t do so. There is no way others will love us if we don’t do so. There is no way others will like us if we don’t do so. We must first and foremost accept ourselves, who we are, what we stand for, what we want and don’t want and why. This way we will be strong to stand for what we are and make others see that this is not a bad thing. It is not good to pretend to be something we are not, to take up other people’s values as our own because we think it is cool, or acceptable to do so. We must be who we are, who we want to be and not who others would rather see us be.